I was going through a few of the photos from the Ireland weekend and there was hideous one where I was bending over...and OMG my ass has got fat!!! I also found that all my smart clothes were two sizes too small and I had to go buy a new outfit for the funeral in a size 18. I'm currently 12st 7lbs, which is pretty damn big for someone who is 5"2 I really need to do something about it instead of just moaning about being it! My knees hurt, my back hurts and I look...well ....fat. I don't want to go on some crazy diet just yet but rather get myself back into the old eat less and exercise more routine. I would join a slimming club but I don't think the budget is going to stretch to that. We've not set a date for the wedding but there is no way I want to be a tubby bride. I need motivation but to be honest at the moment I just want to sit around comfort eating and reading crap on the internet. I'm going to cut myself some slack for the rest of this week but next week no excuses, as eating myself into an early grave is not going to help.
I also had a date today for an appointment with the consultant for the results of Isabella's post mortem and to discuss a plan for a future pregnancy if that's what we want. It's so crazy to even think about it now, I was so so sick with the last two pregnancies I'd probably be the same again and not be able to work and we have no money as is, no room in the house and there would be a high likelyhood of it going wrong again. It seems so unfair, if Isabella had lived we would have just got on with things and dealt with it, but now it would be irresponsible to try for another baby. OH is really not keen on seeing me go through everything again either. But despite everything I'd still really love to be pregnant again some day in the future *sigh* Maybe our luck will change and everything will sort itself out, OH found a tenner on the floor today so maybe it's the start :D