Tuesday, 8 December 2009

Grief Bubbles

Poor OH fell into bed at 6am this morning, ice cold and none too happy. Turns out the car broke down in a dodgy area on the way back from his lecture last night at 1am, first Green Flag didn't show up, then his phone ran out of batteries and then he had to hide from a fight going out right by the car. In the end he found a phone box and called Green Flag again who managed to find him at 5.30am. I'm actually glad I didn't wake up and find him not back, I would have been going crazy with worry. I'm going to put a package in the back of the car, with a fleece blanket, chocolate and a bottle of water and maybe one of those emergency phone charger things, just in case it happens again!

I'm just back from the GP, and I took my list, he said he would refer me for the EGC and the pregnancy loss clinic. I'd put a little something on there about being a bit depressed and that I'm taking St Johns Wort, and once he mentioned it I burst into tears and tried to explain through sobbing that I was actually fine and really did not need to have any tablets from him, thank you.

It's strange how one second you can be totally fine and then something sets you off and the grief pops up before you can stop it. But these days at least I find I can settle back down to stable quicker than I once did. I think that it's sort of like having a pool of emotions like fizzy pop and if they get a little shake it all the bubbles rise up and pop the top off the bottle. When you know something is going to give you a good shake it's very difficult to face it. I've still not been to see my hairdresser, I love my hairdresser, he skateboards to work (uber cool!) and came to Faery Fest with us two years in a row. His salon was opposite our old house so we became quite good friends. I know when I go there there will be a happy "hows the baby!" type moment as the last time I saw him I was proudly showing him my 20 week scan.and I will have to explain *sigh* I find doing things quickly without having a chance to worry about the impending bubble shaking seems to help. so I will have to just run in there on the way past make an appointment super quick. I must get around to doing this as my hair is half red, half black and all mess lol!

1 comment:

  1. Glad you got through your dr's appt. I hear you on the hair appt though. I was lucky getting someone I know to come to my house to cut my hair, I'm pretty sure I still couldn't cope with a salon.