Blergh, I'm all full of tears again, it still creeps up and takes me by surprise now and again. I don't suppose it ever goes away does it?
I was checking my old email address and there was an email about raising money for SANDS. I'm not exactly clear on what exactly they do. I emailed them when Bella died, but I mean what are you supposed to ask? "hey my baby died...and um..yeh...I feel really sad...could you like... errr... help me out with that?" it took me about 3 days to write the email and they replied just saying that they offer support and help, but ok...um I'd like some of that support and help please. They wrote back saying I could always call the helpline....which of course I never did. What the hell are you supposed to ring up and say? I would have rung up someone would have answered and I would have burst into tears and hung up, big help that would be. So I emailed back after a while saying something about it being too difficult to call and could I have the contacts for the local group as I'd like to get involved. The nice man said he would get someone to call me instead, did they ever call, of course not. Did they ever send me the details of the local group meeting, alas no. Anyway my point is that they were about as much help as a chocolate teapot on a sunny day for me. They actually managed to add to my depression as I felt like even more like a piece of shit that even they couldn't be bothered with my pathetic self. Anyway, if they think I'll be happily raising money for them any day soon they are sadly mistaken.
Thankfully for me I discovered babyloss blogland and from reading everyone's stories I discovered that all my emotions were quite normal and that I had not actually gone insane. I discovered there is hope and felt like I was not alone in the unfairness of it all. I came across people who had it far worse than me, for whom life has been even more of a bitch to, which is sort of humbling. I've had kind words of support from women, that mean more to me than they will ever possibly know. So thank you, to all you bloggers out there xxx
I was feeling miserable and was cheered up by finding this super cute kitty, which I thought I'd share, only then I got sad again as I would love to get a kitty of my own but I'm really allergic, bah! :D