Monday, 4 January 2010

Testing Time

So back off to the hospital this morning for more blood tests, hooray. I hate going back to that hospital as thats where I went and found out Bella had died so really not fun. I walked through the entrance with a general feeling sorry for myself thing going on. Ahead of me was some poor sod being pushed along the corridor in a bed, "well at least you are not on one of those" I thought, at least it's not that bad, hey ho. As the bed turned around to go to the lifts I saw that it was a woman and she had that totally exhausted yet totally radiant look that I instantly recognised, and tucked into her arms was a bundle that was clearly a newborn. My timing as usual..superb. I walk on barely able to see the way for welling tears and sit in the waiting room sniveling. Everyone around must have thought I was upset about having a stupid blood test and was giving me withering looks. I really wished I had a sign above me that said "please excuse - crying due to babyloss"

I'm very glad that my period also arrived yesterday a whole week early, which is odd. I've never been so relieved about not being pregnant though to be honest. After reading up on the whole Antithrombin III thing, which is not the same as Huges or APS but sort of similar, I'm realising how amazingly lucky I am to have had any living children at all. I'm also lucky not to have discovered I have it by having a heart attack or a stroke, now at least I can take medicines that will hopefully help stop any blood clots. Bella's death might just have saved my life, which is at least something I can hold onto.

2 comments:

  1. Bless your heart. I can't believe timing sometimes. Thinking of you and glad they've found this out. Thinking of Bella. xo

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  2. Huge hugs coming your way. x

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