Saturday, 27 March 2010

Less Hate More Skate

OMG my new skates have arrived :D I'm so excited to try these out it's untrue... I had a quick skate around the shop earlier and these wheels are FAST! I'm probably going to break a leg but YEY! I managed to get these in the junior size (so no VAT) and got a 10% team discount..awesome! I'm hopefully going to rollerderby practice tomorrow and Monday night so I should have a good chance of breaking these bad boys in soon.

For you rollerderby fans out there, Drew Barrymore is just releasing a new film called Whip It -which is about rollerderby. It's an awesome film, (yes I've seen it even tho it's not in the cinema yet, gotta love the internet :)even if you have no clue about derby check it out it's a good watch! out

Friday, 26 March 2010

Fire In Belly

I've finally got brave enough to post on the Sands Forum. For some reason I've been terrified of posting there and every time I've gone to post I had an attack of feeling incredibly pathetic. It actually wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, I'm in good company there. I'm shocked though at the stories...just how many people there are. What also got to me was how many people were getting rubbish care. Not just medical guys being insensitive or generally crap but some totally not doing their job at all. There were alot of people not getting midwife visits at home after the birth..sorry but that just seems utterly utterly crazy. I'm honestly considering setting up a campaign to improve services for bereaved parents. Not anything special but just that there should be the same standard of care. The guidelines are all there but it seems to me that they are pretty much ignored. Well I suppose that goes across the board with people being kept in storage cupboards ect but still!
Here are just some of the things I would bitch about from my experience:-
What exactly is the point of having a "bereavement suit" in a hospital and then making the women with the dead babies give birth on a side room of a ward filled with newborns. I spent the whole time in hospital listening to crying newborns which was categorically not fun. Apparently there was a "staffing problem"

Midwives really should attend still births properly, just because there is no danger of babies being any more dead than they already are does not mean you can spend the whole thing having a nice cup of tea in the corridor. Not only was there no midwife with me at all until Bella was actually being born. I had a retained placenta and was left to my own devices after a syntometrine shot to try and remove it. I know I want to train as a midwife but this is not really the kind of work experience I was planning. Scrabbling around trying to find something to put a placenta in is not generally considered the best thing for people to be doing right after having given birth.

"counselling" should take place somewhere where said dead baby mother does not have to sit in a waiting room with all the happy pregnant people. Maybe?? Is there not anywhere else is a whole huge hospital where this could take place? I pretty much exploded with snot and tears and was trying to apologise to the surrounding horrified audience of green note clutching pregnant mothers who looked at me with utter distain. Public humilation, just what a grieving mother needs to help her feel better.

I wouldn't be so bothered if it was just me, but it's clearly not. I had fire in my belly and was all ready to organise a campaign to raise standards to make sure babylost mothers were treated properly. I've helped run a successful campaign in Wales which ended with a change in the law the protected mothers feeding in public places, hooray, so I know I could do something and how to go about doing it. Then it was pointed out to me that someone hoping for a career in the NHS might do well not to start a large public campaign complaining about their service. Good point I said....dammit :(

Wednesday, 24 March 2010

Edit Delete and Labyrinth Quotes

Yesterday I deleted most of the babyloss blogs from my Google reader. I had literally 300 and it was getting too much...just so much misery, so many people struggling with grief, infertility or the worry of being pregnant again. I cut it down to around 30 that I am really hooked on. I'll move on I thought, find some roller derby blogs, and have a reading list that is mostly made up on Lolcatz and Failblog and other fuzzie happy blogs. It took me about half an hour to delete them all and I made a note of some that I wanted to pop back into now and then and see how people were getting on.

I logged on to my reader earlier today as the shop was totally dead today (boooo!) and browsed the few blogs I had left which only took a few minutes. I kinda felt gutted I'd deleted so many as I could have done with some reading!

I settled down after my run this evening with a nice cup of tea and checked my reader again....all 300 blogs are back on the account again. and you know what..I am glad. I can't make Bella reminders go away and I do love listening to everyone else talking about the same things I'm feeling, makes me feel a little less crazy sometimes. Even if the "my baby is in Jesus' loving arms" bible belt American brigade wind me up a little it's all good. I swear if I thought that for one second then the big guy would be going down, Kill Bill style. Or maybe a like that Dante's Inferno game that DH has been playing (which involved comedy sized weaponry and a kick ass outfit) although that was an attempted rescue from hell ....perhaps more like Sarah from Labyrinth - "Give me the child. Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the Goblin City to take back the child that you have stolen. For my will is as strong as yours, and my kingdom is as great....." anyway I digress!

I read this from Mommicked and was very glad my blogs all came back
"I would've liked to have told her that we're all just a hair's breadth from disaster and that any horrible thing can happen to anyone at any time. And that if/when the unimaginable occurs, you just make your way through it because there is no choice. Impossible transforms to possible before you even realize what's happening and, amazingly, you keep breathing and moving and living and that's all there is."

Refreshing honesty is sometimes oddly comforting. It's amazing how blogland with it's profanity and profoundness really does help sometimes. Thank you babylost bloggers everywhere xxx

Monday, 22 March 2010

My Angel

Last night I was tucking my 7 year old daughter into bed, we read a chapter of The Faraway Tree together and goodnight kisses were had. I tucked her in with her pink fluffy blanket and her teddies. She looked every bit the little angel with her blonde hair and button nose, in the pinkest bed in the pinkest girly room it is humanly possible to have. She pulled me close to her and put both of her hands on my cheeks as if to say something important, "mummy" she whispered seriously........ "I've got a wedgie"

I very nearly wet myself laughing...

Friday, 19 March 2010

New Beginnings

I'm feeling the need to clear out. It's spring, nearly Easter with it's symbolism of new life and all that. It the last week I've been getting all upset as I've made a definite decision not to try for any more babies any time soon. Which is sort of silly as it's what I decided and I'm not really sad about it. I think back to how ill I was all of last year and I just cant bring myself about the possibility of being like that again for so long again. I'm also enjoying my older two being so indepedent and having that little bit of extra freedom again(..especially the rollerderby hehe.)
So I need to clear out. I have this urge to just give away all the baby things, really quick so it's like pulling off a plaster, but my empty bank account is telling me to sell things and treat myself to the shiny new rollerderby skates that are so expensive (seriously derby skates are like £100 plus...I mean wtf..just for rollerskates.. hmph) So this means I need to get the pram down from the attic and flog it! It's a really nice Quinny one with all the accessories which I got from Ebay for £150, pretty much like new. All my cotton nappies and accessories were whisked away after so I have no idea where they are, but I spent about £150 on that lot so there should be a few pennies there too. But every time I think about doing it I get all sorry for myself and upset. But I really want the skates, and having baby stuff in the house is frankly depressing.

I would sort things out this weekend but I'm off to Hay On Wye to sing the Hallelujah Chorus tomorrow and I've not got anyone to work in the shop and you know what...I don't care! Ha! Stress be dammed! :D

Wednesday, 17 March 2010

The Unlucky Lottery

I have never been a lucky person, even at the best of times. I never win raffle prizes, and have never won so much as a tenner on the lottery. If there is something that can go wrong, even if it is highly unusual and not to be expected I can pretty much guarantee that it will be me it happens to. (babies randomly kicking the bucket at 23 weeks, highly unlikely so I'm told) But even for me I am going through an incredibly unlucky patch since coming back from holiday, man it really sucks.

Firstly our cases were lost at the airport and took 4 days to discover where they were. When we reported them missing they had managed to balls up and not put down the case numbers so they weren't being tracked until I rang up all cross after 3 days. Wow they said, that's very unusual we're very sorry.

Then I thought I'd get on the case as I'd not heard anything about an interview from the University I applied to before Christmas. I ring on the Monday and get told to ring someone else who would be in the next day. Tuesday I ring and get told I actually need to speak to someone who is in the following day. Wednesday morning I ring and leave a message on the answer phone. 2pm she calls me and tells me that my interview was that morning....I was like WTF ARGHHHHHH I've been ringing like all week and I've not received any notification of this interview, no email, no letter nothing! Turns out the don't send letters, they don't notify UCAS they just send an email...and they sent mine to the wrong email hardly ever happens. I now have to wait another month before they can fit me in for an interview, by which time no doubt all the places will be gone *grumble, grumble*

So by this point I'm just looking out for the meteor which is about to hit me any second now. I get an email saying that my roller derby team has to move the practices to a different place and time. Unluckily it's at the one evening of the week that I wont be able to make.....juuuust wonderful.

The dishwasher breaks, spilling water all over the kitchen floor - fine we can wash dishes by hand.

The washing machine breaks too (JUST OMG) and the floor is flooded for a second time.

I open the shoe cupboard and the door falls off

I open the cupboard under the sink and the door falls off

I try to open a kitchen drawer and the handle falls off

I go on strike and refuse to open any more doors in the house

I plug my hair drier in and it shorts out half of the house

....I decide it's probably best if I just lie down in a darkened room and not touch anything

I get to the train station after work and realise my pass is out of date (ok this one is totally my fault) and that I don't have any money to get home, then of course my phone is out of battery charge so I can't call anyone, nice.

I wonder why it is so quiet on the website sales front since I've been on holiday and decide to login to my hosting account just to check it out. I can't login..odd. I ring them, ah they say, you rang up and cancelled that account. UMMMMM OR NOT!!! So I argue that I simply rang to take off a database which they were still charging me for that I had cancelled 6 months before..which apparently never happpens. So my email account is deleted and there is nothing I can do to retrive any of it, the sales, the recipts, the website logins yadda yadda.

Then I realise I have just paid a princely sum for a new website cart, and the login details have gone deleted email address. They have no contact details on the site and I cant login to the site as the login details were all in the handy welcome email...oh lovely.

I look back on the shop sales and realise that it is rapidly becoming an expensive hobby rather than a real business. This sucks as I wont be able to even sell it on to anyone. Gonna have to close in May which means I will have to *shock horror* get some kind of proper job between May and September.

This is why I am the Frustrated Fairy, my whole life is pretty much one big long list of unlucky things. Luckily I do see the funny side because it is honestly insane :D My best friend who is pretty unlucky too said we should write a sitcom called Big Fat Fail and just write about our lives. I said no one would ever believe that this much bad luck could ever happen to one person lol! Maybe, just maybe the universe will give me a Big Fat Break one of these days and I'll have some really good luck to balance all the shitty stuff out.

Tuesday, 16 March 2010

Ok, ok I give

just one tiny little dress piccy can't hurt......and no I couldnt walk in those shoes lol! and anyone is welcome to see all the rest of the piccies you don't need to know me or anything :D

Monday, 15 March 2010

Amecon! YEH!

I've just found out that I've got tickets for Amecon! Amecon is a 3 day anime convention which is going to be held in Keele University in August. The tickets had sold out so we were put on the waiting list so I'm really chuffed! I love all things anime and I also love making costumes, here is last years effort is below, I'm Excaliber from the anime Soul Eater. It kinda brings back memories as last year I was still pregnant and my biggest worry was how to make a costume that my big belly would fit in! It was only about two weeks later that the shit hit the fan so this I look back at this fondly as we were blissfully unaware anything was up and were just having a good time, messing about and thinking it would be the last time we would be doing anything as daft as this until the baby was a few years old. Anyway... this year I'm going to try making something even more challenging and daft than last year! I'm going as Totoro, from the wonderful anime My Neighbour Totoro. If you have have not seen this I highly recommend it, it's totally magical and touching story, it's made for children but it's really enjoyable for adults too. It's made by Studio Ghibli (who are kinda the Japanese Disney) and has a really good english speaking cast on the DVD. Totoro is totally adorable and I'm expecting to get cuddled alot in this costume lol! I'm going to have to start work on it soon as I have no idea of how to make this kind of costume so I have big learning curve ahead. I'm thinking of maybe making a frame with hula hoops sewn together with fabric panels so that he will fold flat so I can get it in the car. Let the planning begin!

Monday, 8 March 2010

Paranoia! :D

Ok so this is a secret blog *looks shifty* but I want to show you guys my awesome blue 50's wedding dress!! So hmmm, if you drop me a quick email (frustratedfairy at )I'll send you the link to my wedding blog where I can show it off to my hearts content. All the professional pics we had done before the wedding reception are not up but the ones from the ceremony are there :D

The Wedding Trip

Inside the Luxor

One of the bits of the Luxor
Crazy fountain show inside the forum shopping centre
New York New York
The long road to Area 51
It snows in the desert!

The "black" mailbox
Little A'le'inn

Area 51 main gates
Desert beach bunnies! These were alongside the Colerado river outside the back of the hotel on the beach, too cute!

Wow, I've had a crazy amazing weird and wonderful week in America! We spent the first day of the holiday in Las Vegas, staying in the pyramid shaped Luxor for the night. It was just WOW! Our room was just stunning, we'd been a bit concerned by the shitty reviews online but it was way way better than we expected. We got our wedding licence in the morning and as the taxis were so expensive we decided that it would be a good idea to walk back to the strip. Alas downtown Las Vegas is a bit on the rough and ready side and I got so paranoid about getting robbed that I managed to trip over my own feet and ended up in a heap on the floor snapping the lense off the front of my SLR camera that was in my bag, FAIL! After dusting myself off we walked to the Stratosphere and I watched OH brave the ride that hangs off the side of the very top. I'm actually gutted I didn't go on it now, but it was really really scary! We made our way to the forum shopping centre and had a meal at the Cheesecake Factory, which I thought would be, well, a cheesecake factory, but it was a restaurant. We thought we'd grab a snack so we ordered a sandwich. This turned out ot be the most ginormous bap I have ever seen, filled with masses of pork and BBQ sauce, with enough fries on the side to feed a family of 5 and coleslaw heaped up in a pudding bowl, no wonder it's hard to be slim in America! We then discovered that they did indeed have cheesecake so we ordered a slice each, OH went for a peanut butter and caramel one and I was being boring and went for plain, again they were huuuuuge slices and I only managed to eat about half but it was soooo yummeh!!
In the evening we went to see Chris Angel's show Believe which was a real treat, we're big fans of his Mindfreak show so it was great to see him live. The show was put on with Cirque Du Soleil so it had awesome dancing too, I totally loved it!

That evening we travelled to where we were spending the rest of the week about an hour and a half from Las Vegas is the tiny desert town of Laughlin, where the International UFO Congress was being held in the Aquarius hotel there. We got married on the Monday, travelling from Laughlin, with a few people we knew from the congress, picking up my mum and stepdad on route through Las Vegas and heading out to Area 51. The only problem was that I'd not really properly checked what the weather would be like in the desert, I figured that desert=hot, which alas for me was way off the mark as it was snowing!! We visited both of the Area 51 gates and the legendary Little Ale'inn which was great fun, we picked up a few more random wedding guests there, including two Australian tourists and a guy who called himself Agent 51 :D
We chased the sun back to the "black mailbox" (which is actually white) and just got there intime for sunset. The wedding was beautiful, although I was freeeeeezing cold, OH read me a poem he had written and it was just great fun. I'm so glad we did it this way instead of the boring old route!
The rest of the week was pretty cool too, we met some really amazing people and some totally weird people two heheh! The only bad thing was getting home, our flights got delayed and then our cases got lost grrr! Luckily we got them back just in time for the wedding reception :D