Yesterday I deleted most of the babyloss blogs from my Google reader. I had literally 300 and it was getting too much...just so much misery, so many people struggling with grief, infertility or the worry of being pregnant again. I cut it down to around 30 that I am really hooked on. I'll move on I thought, find some roller derby blogs, and have a reading list that is mostly made up on Lolcatz and Failblog and other fuzzie happy blogs. It took me about half an hour to delete them all and I made a note of some that I wanted to pop back into now and then and see how people were getting on.
I logged on to my reader earlier today as the shop was totally dead today (boooo!) and browsed the few blogs I had left which only took a few minutes. I kinda felt gutted I'd deleted so many as I could have done with some reading!
I settled down after my run this evening with a nice cup of tea and checked my reader again....all 300 blogs are back on the account again. and you know what..I am glad. I can't make Bella reminders go away and I do love listening to everyone else talking about the same things I'm feeling, makes me feel a little less crazy sometimes. Even if the "my baby is in Jesus' loving arms" bible belt American brigade wind me up a little it's all good. I swear if I thought that for one second then the big guy would be going down, Kill Bill style. Or maybe a like that Dante's Inferno game that DH has been playing (which involved comedy sized weaponry and a kick ass outfit) although that was an attempted rescue from hell ....perhaps more like Sarah from Labyrinth - "Give me the child. Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the Goblin City to take back the child that you have stolen. For my will is as strong as yours, and my kingdom is as great....." anyway I digress!
I read this from Mommicked and was very glad my blogs all came back
"I would've liked to have told her that we're all just a hair's breadth from disaster and that any horrible thing can happen to anyone at any time. And that if/when the unimaginable occurs, you just make your way through it because there is no choice. Impossible transforms to possible before you even realize what's happening and, amazingly, you keep breathing and moving and living and that's all there is."
Refreshing honesty is sometimes oddly comforting. It's amazing how blogland with it's profanity and profoundness really does help sometimes. Thank you babylost bloggers everywhere xxx