Friday, 4 June 2010

Not Doing So Good

Things are not going so well, it's getting worse :( I can't walk properly, I can't drive, I cant cook, I can't get up the stairs, I can barely concentrate to even use the laptop or watch TV. My head is throbbing, all my muscles aching, my head is swimming and I have flashing lights and vertigo the whole time now. I've not been off the sofa for a full week now. Luckily the kids are away for half term so I don't have anyone else to worry about. I'm not coping with this at all, I feel totally trapped in my own body.
OH asked the big question last night, "is this really worth it, maybe we shouldn't do this" which led to me crying for about 3 hours. I can't bear the thought of deliberately getting rid of a baby that we so so badly want. I also can't bear the thought of being so disabled for months and months and then not having a live baby either, just last last time. We came to the conclusion that we should wait until we go back and see the professor next Wednesday and see if there is anything we can do medication wise to make me feel a bit better. Then take it from there. I'm so angry that I wasn't more careful, I knew that this could happen and that I would get so ill again. All the options I have are bad ones and I don't know what to do.

1 comment:

  1. Oh goodness, I'm so sorry you are so ill, that's just not bloody fair. You know sweetheart if I were closer I'd come and take care of you, take the kids out, cook for you, I'm so sorry I'm not.
    Hang in there till you see your doctor. x