Monday, 27 September 2010

23 Weeks

I think I am beginning to lose the plot! My anxiety levels are through the roof this week, as this is the fateful week that we lost Isabella. Today I was back to the hospital and I had a total freak out on the way there as I was convinced I couldn't feel her moving and that my belly was smaller somehow. I sobbed all the way to the hospital on the bus, then had to go into the toilets in the hospital waiting room as I'd got myself in a right state convinced I was going to have to ring everyone with bad news. I pulled myself together a bit and went in to see the consultant, I explained everything I was worried about and she smiled and got the doppler out to check everything was ok, which thankfully it was. Everything was fine and she had a look at my scan results from last week and says she is really pleased with everything and that the baby is actually measuring a bit ahead, weighing approx 1lb 3oz already :D I felt all sheepish and silly for having such a panic on over nothing and of course this afternoon baby was moving about like crazy again...relief!
I also had my first lesson this morning on injection techniques...which I was late for as I lost my car keys and had to catch a train and then a bus to get to uni. I've still not found my stupid keys either...this is the second time I've properly lost them in two weeks! ARGH! In good news though my kitchen worktops and sink were fitted today which means the end of a stressful few days trying to manage with no kitchen at all. All the kitchen stuff was piled up in the living room and it was impossible to find anything and making a cup of tea was a major mission. The very nice plumber man redid all the sink pipework for free as my father in law managed to fall flat on his face and bent all the brand new plumbing on the way down.
I am feeling ten zillion times better about everything this evening and I'm having a nice time helping DD with her first ever cross stitch kit....and I can even get a cup of tea from my kitchen *bliss*

Friday, 10 September 2010

One Of Those Weeks


So Monday was Isabella's "birthday", my first day of uni and involved a trip back to the unit where she was born. I didn't really have much time to dwell on it as I spent all day in a mad panic trying to work out how to get from uni to the hospital on time. Then I got there and realised that I'd forgotten my notes and the hospital didn't have my notes either as they were in the other hospital where I had my scan last week. So had to get my father in law to bring them which took an hour. While I was sitting by the reception desk I kept seeing tiny new babies being taken home in their car seats which was just utterly painful. When I finally got my notes and started waiting in the clinic it turned out that my consultant was on holiday, and the replacement consultant had been taken to a crash c-section so I may as well not have bothered. They did a quick antenatal blood pressure/urine test and that was it. Little one is moving lots and keeping me reassured thankfully.
The rest of the week has been manic trying to work out the best way to get to uni on time, as the trains kept getting delayed, traffic is horrendous, no parking, no idea which buses I need to get on ect. Trying to find the right rooms to be in when the place is vast and all looks the same. The usual nightmare stuff when you are trying a whole new routine in a new place with new people.
We also found out that our friend that died last week committed suicide, which is just all kinds of sad. He was living with and looking after his gran for the last few years, they were really close and she passed away about a month back. He got married a few years back and his wife cheated on him within two weeks of the wedding. Maybe it just all got too much? It's so sad as he was a genuinely funny and nice guy and no one knew there was anything really wrong. His best friend talked to him on the phone the night before and there didn't seem to be anything wrong, they had just bought tickets for the football season together...I just don't get it.
Anyway, this week has royally sucked and I'm hoping that things will pick up next week...things can hopefully only get better.

Friday, 3 September 2010

Well That Was Not So Bad

Scan went well and everything looks ok. Big relief! I was getting the wobbly lip as soon as I got there but Dave played mobile phone battleships with me and distracted me beautifully! We were in first so there was not the usual waiting room full and we only had to wait 10 mins.There was actually more than one room there and my luck was in, it wasn't the same room I went in last time, hooray! The sonographer has acutally read the notes and was really really lovely to us. She checked the heartbeat first for me and really took her time and was really wonderful. Baby was of course in an funny position so I had to have a bit of a walk to get her to move into a better position...yeh..looks like it's another little girl :) I couldn't have asked for better, it was totally not as bad as I was expecting.
So it was a really great day and I was on a high, until we got a phone call this evening saying one of hubby's friends has died this morning, we don't know what's happened yet, but it really sucks, the guy was only like 32. It's shocking just how fragile life is hey...

Thursday, 2 September 2010

Scan Tomorrow

Man am I feeling anxious. Baby has been kicking like crazy all day today so I'm pretty confident it will at least be alive for the scan, which is something. I'd like to think it would be reassuring but I know full well that everything peachy at a scan does not mean your baby will not randomly die 3 weeks later. I don't suppose it helps that it's in the one place I really rather it wasn't. I've got scans booked there every few weeks now so I'd better get used to it.
I've finally found and booked a plasterer, who costs £170 more than the other one whose phone number we lost! Gah! I still have to wait another two weeks before we will have a functioning cooker though :(
I made a really nice stir fry tonight using the camping stove which hubby was meant to eat two hours ago...all this time he has been on his mobile phone talking to a woman who thinks she has been abducted by aliens *sigh* two hours...that better be her mobile phone bill else I am going hit the roof! These people should really be ringing metal health services or something... (did I ever mention my hubby runs a UFO group lol!)

Wednesday, 1 September 2010

Doing some singing :D

I've going to meet up with a musician I knew from way back in Swansea this weekend to play some songs, I'm so excited! I've been practicing some stuff. I forgot how much I love some bands I used to listen to all the time. This song by Nightwish blew me away.....and made me cry my eyes out when I read the lyrics.

Running for her life
The dark rain from her eyes still falls
Breathtaking butterfly
Chose a dark day to leave

Save one breath for me

A Loner longing for
The cadence of her last breath

Why do I miss someone I never met?
With bated breath I lay
Sea winds brought her to me
A butterfly, mere one-day
Miracle of life
And all the poetry in the world
Finally makes sense to me

Save one death for me

A Loner longing for
Run away, run away, run away, run away
The cadence of her last breath
Run away, run away, run away, run away

Put to rest, all that's not life
Drink for beauty
And fill my blank page

Sometimes a dream turns into a dream

A Loner longing for
Run away, run away, run away, run away
The cadence of her last breath
A Loner longing for
Run away, run away, run away, run away
The cadence of her last breath
Run away, run away, run away, run away