I did another long 12.5 shift on Tuesday and I ended up having a bit of a cry when I got home. I was looking after a lovely patient with a pretty horrific cancer and it was so sad knowing that he is not going to last much longer and that he is suffering so much, he was in such a bad way but still a very sweet old guy and his family were lovely too. They were talking to him about how much he has to "get better" in time to come home for Christmas and stuff, but it is just not going to happen at all, so so sad. We had this patient and one other who were expecting to go to theatre or get treatment and just found out that there was now nothing more that could be done for them. So many of the patients are in a similar boat but at an earlier stage and it all got a bit much thinking about how fragile life is and what could lay ahead for me or one of my friends or family. I think this I way I'd really like to work in Theatres instead of on the wards, at least there you are always doing something positive that could really help rather than being all helpless to do anything other than make them comfortable. Plus I don't suppose you have a chance to get to know the patients so much as when you are caring for them on the wards which would mean I wouldn't get so attached and upset. I've got 6 more weeks of this though so I think I need to grow a thicker skin.