All so different and I love them all fiercely. They are all so far apart that they have almost been only children. I met a mum in the local shop the other day, she had a baby the same age as Kira and a toddler just over a year old. She said how lovely it was having them so close together and I said how she must be mad and how lovely it was having mine so far apart and we laughed. As she walked away it struck me that her toddler was the same age Isabella would be now and I had one of those little pangs of jealousy, how I wish I had them both xx
Tuesday, 29 March 2011
Friday, 18 March 2011
We've decided to have a baby naming ceremony for Kira next month. Somehow it's gone from a village hall with a few sandwiches to a full blown event at a hotel with an £18 a head buffet, which we can't really afford but dammit if we are going to do it let's do it in style lol!! The lady who did Isabella's funeral is doing the ceremony for us (from the British Humanist Association) friends have written poems for us and family are travelling from all over to be there. I'm really glad to be doing it and now wish I'd done it for my other babies!
I wanted Kira to have something special to wear but seriously Christening Wear leave much to be desired! Mostly it's all froufy, frothy, frilly, generally uninteresting or just not special enough. So I've decided to make one myself *gulp* I've really no idea what I am doing and I don't have a pattern, so this is me winging it totally! I've used my wedding dress fabric which is an amazing peacock blue and lined it in the ivory silk I used for Isabella's burial pouch. Digging out that fabric for the first time was a bit emotional, last time I had that fabric in my hands was just a few days after she had died and it meant so much to try and make her something beautiful. Anyways ....on with making Kira something beautiful too.
I found a dress that fits nicely and drew around it onto some newspaper, adding a bit around the end for seam allowance (about 1/2 inch). Once for the back of the dress and again for the front. Then I drew around it onto the silk and then cut out one each in the blue and one each in the ivory. I'm sure pinning it is the proper way to do it but hey ho!
I sewed the blue and ivory pieces together leaving a small opening to turn it inside out. (my silk didn't have a right side but you'd make sure they were right sides together if there was) This means the dress is fully lined and all the edges are nice and tidy. I put my opening on one of the sides that would be sewn up together later so I didn't need to hand stitch it closed.
Next I put the two pieces right sides together and sewed up the sides. Alas I was a few millimeters put on the bottom, but I've got no more silk so it will have to do. Not quite sure how to get this perfect, maybe you need to measure the bits more accurately, I'd love to know how to avoid this!
Press and admire :D
I'm going to add poppers to the straps as I, err have no idea how to use the button hole thingy on my sewing machine, and then a decorative something that looks like a button lol! I was planning on having a big blue silk flower on the dress too. But after nearly setting the living room aflame and much swearing I realised that you need synthetic silk to make the edges of silk curl with a candle. So I'm thinking of a big bow instead...which in hindsight would have been easier to attach to the dress before it was all sewn together..you live and learn folks! :D I'll make a part 2 with how I get around that!
I also bought a pair of these ballet slippers from Etsy but in ivory silk ...really hoping they arrive in time from America!
Thursday, 10 March 2011
Wednesday Kira went to see my Chiropractor, I didn't think there were any problems but figured that it was probably a good idea to get her spine checked just in case there were any issues. Being born has got to be a big strain on the body with all the twisting and squishing. She had a thorough check over and she's perfect, so no worries there. Since I've not been able to go since Kira has been born my back has been really aching again, so it was a proper relief to get it done. All the way through the pregnancy my chiropractor spent ages waving her hands around the back of my head and hitting me with this weird mini hammer thingy...I had no clue what on earth she was doing, felt really nice though. I was totally back pain free and feeling good so I was not complaining. It was only when she was talking about the baby that she told me that was called KST. So tonight I googled it and it stands for Koren Specific Technique, the hand waving around the head bit is using the base of the skull as a yes/no system to check if anything is out of position then the little hammer thing corrects it. It's all so gentle I can't quite believe that it does anything, but it is literally the only technique she used on me all through the pregnancy, I didn't have any of the usual bone crunching stuff done, and I had no bad back pain at all. I always had really bad back pain through all the other pregnancies so it really must have done the trick. It also claims to help all manner of problems and it is true that since I started going (at 16 weeks pregnant) I felt so much better, I've not had any asthma or allergy problems and most very importantly I didn't miscarry. Of course I did have the course of prednisolone and the asprin as well so that could also explain it. But it's food for thought, I'm pretty sure it helped at the very least.
I've been trying to get started on organizing a baby naming ceremony for Kira but the most difficult thing seems to be finding a date that everyone can attend, why are all of my family such busy people!! Everyone seems to have booked holidays for May/June and later than that it starts clashing with weddings/stag/hen do's *sigh* I'm determined to have it though so maybe I will just have to have it without some people which will no doubt cause moaning.
As well as the baby naming I've got a couple of weddings coming up and I have just realised that my posh frock I thought I could wear is totally unsuitable for breastfeeding in! I've only got a few weeks now to sort out something suitable...argh! What can I wear??...help me out folks, suggestions please!
Tuesday, 8 March 2011
Kira adores this picture I have in my living room, she stares at it and will turn her head to keep looking at it if you move her away. It's an oil painting I bought on ebay, it's an image of the Goddess of Light from the Korean MMORG Shaiya (kinda like World Of Warcraft), I've never played the game but I loved this image and it's my pride and joy! I also have the Goddess of Darkness, but I've never had the spare cash to get it mounted on a frame so it's stashed rolled up behind the sofa, must get around to sorting it!!. Anyways...I figure the reason Kira loves it is because it's on a big plain blank wall and it's the contrast between the colours that she loves so much. I had a quick look around online and found this great "infant stimulation" image that I've printed out and I'm going to stick on the wall by her changing mat. Kira has a touch of nappy rash at the moment, it's only a tiny bit but it's nasty. Health visitor says it might be thrush so she's got canesten cream and is spending lots of time kicking nappy free on her changing mat. Hopefully she will like the new art work. The rash is clearing up already since yesterday but I'm going to keep the nappy free time so we don't get it again!
Saturday, 5 March 2011
So after having a big rant, peace and tranquillity has resumed in the frustratedfairy household. It's amazing how much better you feel after writing it all down, makes you think about things clearly, very cathartic. Of course not much has really changed but OH has made me the odd peace offering cup of tea and made me lunch today can't grumble at that :D It also helps that I'm totally over being ill and that I've actually got out of the house this week....maybe I was getting a bit grumpy with cabin fever. I've been to some baby groups, can't quite believe how many there are, it's not like back in Wales where they didn't really exist, there is something going on nearly every day of the week! I've met some other mums who are really nice, even though they are the Ugg booted yummy mummy type and I feel a little bit scummy compared. I've just about dragged myself out of bed and got dressed, might get a chance to wash if I'm lucky and they have somehow managed to straighten their hair and apply makeup...beats me how they manage it lol!
I've been busily selling stuff on ebay and decided to treat myself with some nice posh baby toiletries. I spent ages looking at stuff and decided to go for a little tester box to see if I like the products before buying the full size versions. I went for a box by Boo Boo, natural ingredients and all that jazz and I'm a sucker for pretty packaging , bought from feelunique.com as they have free postage and it works out less that the RRP so it's all good. I'm gonna get the big sizes now as I love them all, I really like the fact they smell of that nice baby powder smell, not all worthy aromatherapy.
Tuesday, 1 March 2011
A post like this I suppose means life is pretty sweet when I am moaning about trivial stuff like this and I am grateful really. But still! I've suddenly become aware that things have slipped into a rather bad and predictable routine. When DH and I first got together we did half of everything, I did all the cooking and then he would clean up after, we both did the washing and all the other cleaning in the house. I'm not house proud or really picky about stuff so long as the place is fairly clean and people have clean clothes I'm happy. Domestic bliss like this continued for a few years, I couldn't have been happier. But somehow over the last year, not just now when I'm off work, it has turned into FRUSTRATEDFAIRY DOES EVERYTHING. Now I can't quite figure out how this happened and now I am off work everyone in the house is taking the piss as they think I can clean up extra mess as that is obviously what I must really enjoy doing and plus I need something to keep me busy while I'm not working. DH is driving me slowly insane with the stupid stuff he does that would not be a problem if he was cleaning up his own mess. Stupid stuff like spitting toothpaste all over the taps, the sink, soap jar every day grr!!!!. He tips the little hairs from his shaver down the toilet and all over the seat and the floor. If he makes a snack he wont use a plate so there are crumbs everywhere. He drives me mad with not washing his hands properly, he always has these dirty smelly hands and then is always stroking the baby with them. So then I sound like a fishwife telling him off to go and wash them. His idea of washing hands is to literally dip a hand under the tap and then rub soap on...without even rinsing the soap off. Now I suppose this wouldn't be so annoying to non nurse types who have not had the importance of proper hand washing drummed into their brains and all the training about all the horrible germs that are on our hands. I am of course not the least bit surprised that despite proclaiming that he will be helping with baby tasks like nappy changing ect that of course not one finger has been lifted to help past day 3, especially with the release of Dead Space 3 on Playstation and especially important alien abductees needing reports writing about them *rolls eyes*.
The baby was struggling to feed a bit with a snuffly nose, she was fine but I got mastitis from the on off feeding shw was doing. I honestly thought I was going down with flu, I was running this horrible fever and felt like death warmed up and could have done with time in bed with someone bringing me hot drinks. Alas even after I went to the gp and got it diagnosed, DH came in from work with me struggling with the baby, trying to cook dinner and being really ill. Pecked me on the cheek and said "aww poor you" before settling down to play a computer game. It was all too much and I just sat on the floor of the kitchen crying. DH was totally shocked and was struggling with the concept that I might actually need some help, he honestly could not see "what my problem was" which of course led to a big argument. So then he's like well of course I will start to pull my weight bla bla bla. Am I surprised that a few days later nothing has changed? well no....but I'm getting pissed off knowing full well that there is not much I can change about it. I've been married before and had a long term relationship before this, things went exactly the same way until I eventually totally deeply resented them and it was all over. Of course suddenly ways were changed when the realisation that I really did mean it when I said things were over. But it was all too late, I couldn't change how I felt even when I really really wanted things to work out. I really don't like seeing the same pattern again as I'm in this marriage for the long term. But what to do? Put up and shut up or make a big fuss? I already feel like the "nagging wife" which I totally hate. *sigh* I just wish we could go back to helping each other out equally no questions asked, it was just the way it was. I don't know maybe that's just some sort of dream that doesn't really exist in the real world? Do I need to be more realistic?