Tuesday, 1 March 2011

Not Excactly Domestic Bliss

A post like this I suppose means life is pretty sweet when I am moaning about trivial stuff like this and I am grateful really. But still! I've suddenly become aware that things have slipped into a rather bad and predictable routine. When DH and I first got together we did half of everything, I did all the cooking and then he would clean up after, we both did the washing and all the other cleaning in the house. I'm not house proud or really picky about stuff so long as the place is fairly clean and people have clean clothes I'm happy. Domestic bliss like this continued for a few years, I couldn't have been happier. But somehow over the last year, not just now when I'm off work, it has turned into FRUSTRATEDFAIRY DOES EVERYTHING. Now I can't quite figure out how this happened and now I am off work everyone in the house is taking the piss as they think I can clean up extra mess as that is obviously what I must really enjoy doing and plus I need something to keep me busy while I'm not working. DH is driving me slowly insane with the stupid stuff he does that would not be a problem if he was cleaning up his own mess. Stupid stuff like spitting toothpaste all over the taps, the sink, soap jar every day grr!!!!. He tips the little hairs from his shaver down the toilet and all over the seat and the floor. If he makes a snack he wont use a plate so there are crumbs everywhere. He drives me mad with not washing his hands properly, he always has these dirty smelly hands and then is always stroking the baby with them. So then I sound like a fishwife telling him off to go and wash them. His idea of washing hands is to literally dip a hand under the tap and then rub soap on...without even rinsing the soap off. Now I suppose this wouldn't be so annoying to non nurse types who have not had the importance of proper hand washing drummed into their brains and all the training about all the horrible germs that are on our hands. I am of course not the least bit surprised that despite proclaiming that he will be helping with baby tasks like nappy changing ect that of course not one finger has been lifted to help past day 3, especially with the release of Dead Space 3 on Playstation and especially important alien abductees needing reports writing about them *rolls eyes*.
The baby was struggling to feed a bit with a snuffly nose, she was fine but I got mastitis from the on off feeding shw was doing. I honestly thought I was going down with flu, I was running this horrible fever and felt like death warmed up and could have done with time in bed with someone bringing me hot drinks. Alas even after I went to the gp and got it diagnosed, DH came in from work with me struggling with the baby, trying to cook dinner and being really ill. Pecked me on the cheek and said "aww poor you" before settling down to play a computer game. It was all too much and I just sat on the floor of the kitchen crying. DH was totally shocked and was struggling with the concept that I might actually need some help, he honestly could not see "what my problem was" which of course led to a big argument. So then he's like well of course I will start to pull my weight bla bla bla. Am I surprised that a few days later nothing has changed? well no....but I'm getting pissed off knowing full well that there is not much I can change about it. I've been married before and had a long term relationship before this, things went exactly the same way until I eventually totally deeply resented them and it was all over. Of course suddenly ways were changed when the realisation that I really did mean it when I said things were over. But it was all too late, I couldn't change how I felt even when I really really wanted things to work out. I really don't like seeing the same pattern again as I'm in this marriage for the long term. But what to do? Put up and shut up or make a big fuss? I already feel like the "nagging wife" which I totally hate. *sigh* I just wish we could go back to helping each other out equally no questions asked, it was just the way it was. I don't know maybe that's just some sort of dream that doesn't really exist in the real world? Do I need to be more realistic?


  1. That sucks. As if having an infant isn't enough work on its own.

    Can you make some sort of chore list? I don't know if it would work but maybe having specified and stated delineated duties would help your husband?

  2. Aww honey, you need to show him this post.x

  3. This is tough stuff. It seems like it "should" be so simple, but it's not. and reading this spoke to my own curiosities about housework in my marriage. My husband and I have typically shared things, but right now I'm not working so while I don't enjoy housework anymore than I used to, I *want* to do more because I have the time to do it, and my husband is working hard during the week and providing financially for us. I've warned him though that once the baby comes, me doing all the cooking, cleaning, etc. won't last. We'll see how that goes... I'm beginning to worry he's forgetting how to cook and clean though.

    So sorry - I don't have any answers for you on to work this out. guess I just thought I'd let you know you're not alone.

    Like Brianna commented, I love the idea of a chore list, but my husband would never agree. I suggested that at the beginning of our marriage, and he quickly refused. but who knows - some men really love concrete to-do lists so they can "fix" things. :)

  4. Ugh, that sounds extremely frustrating. Maybe the chore list idea would work? I don't have any words of wisdom, but I hope the situation improves for you soon.